Kids are scared of lots of things:
- Robbers
- The dark
- Monsters
- Their siblings getting more treats than them
And anyone who has kids knows that their favorite time to tell you about their fears is after bedtime.
You've just spent a good half-hour wrestling your precious little angels into their beds, and now you're laying in yours, relaxing. Finally.
But before you get too comfy, you hear the pitter-patter of little footsteps making their way to your bedroom. It's an after-hours parenting call.
"Mommy, Daddy - I'm scared of _______" ← Fill in the blank with your child's fear of choice.
You'll miss these moments one day, but right now?...
YOU'RE DONE. FINISHED. IT IS BEDTIME.
So you start to reason with your child:
"Kiddo, it's time for bed. Let's go. Everything is gonna be fine. Walk with me and let's get back to your bed."
Does this work? HAHAHAHAHAHA no. 10 minutes later your darling child returns to remind you of their fear. And this happens a few more times, the volume of your voice escalating with each interruption to your precious alone time.
My friends Matt, Derek, and I were chatting about this problem in our community center hot tub the other day (small flex - I have access to a hot tub) when Matt told me some advice his father-in-law Les, who is a social worker, gave him:
"You just need a mantra. A one-liner you can repeat over and over that they get used to and comforted by. Resist the urge to lecture them."
BINGO. "Holy cow, yes!" I said. I realized that many of my most effective parenting moments are when I repeatedly drill a mantra into my kid's heads. Something short, repeatable, and true that they can rely on and find comfort in. Things like:
- "We live in a safe neighborhood kiddo, and Dad checks the house every night."
- "There's no such thing as fairness." ← They looooove when I use that one
- "You're my best buddy."
- "Mornings are for getting ready."
- "After dinner is for cleaning up."
It's these little sayings we repeat ad nauseam that calm the storm and set expectations. And it's not just in parenting - this is true in all forms of leadership.
Great Leaders Craft & Repeat Mantras For Their People To Live By
Some examples you may recognize:
- Martin Luther King: "I have a dream" & "Free at last."
- Walt Disney: "The happiest place on earth."
- John F. Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you."
- Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right."
- Sam Walton: "There is only one boss: the customer."
- The Boy Scouts Of America: "Be prepared."
If you've ever had a leader repeat an idea so often that you rolled your eyes at it, that was their mantra. And it's good that you rolled your eyes, because that means they embraced repetition and you knew what they stood for.
It's better to be annoyed by consistency than annoyed by surprise.
While I can't promise that your toddlers will stop getting out of their beds at night, I can promise that a simple mantra will calm the storm better than a lecture will.